{"product_id":"all-caps-glossy-mug","title":"All Caps Glossy Mug","description":"The official mug of people who were calm five minutes ago and have since been betrayed by reality.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAt first glance, it’s a coffee mug. A simple vessel for caffeine, emotional support beverages, or whatever suspicious liquid is getting you through this catastrophic excuse for a timeline.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis mug is perfect for mornings when:\u003cbr\u003e\n- Your alarm goes off, and you take it personally\u003cbr\u003e\n- Someone asks if you’re “a little stressed.”\u003cbr\u003e\n- The printer jams for the third time\u003cbr\u003e\n- Society continues to exist in your general vicinity\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nProduct Features:\u003cbr\u003e\n- Holds coffee, tea, rage, and consequences\u003cbr\u003e\n- Comfortable grip for white-knuckled emotional support clutching\u003cbr\u003e\n- Durable enough to survive most dungeon-level emotional breakdowns\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWARNING:\u003cbr\u003e\nUse of this mug may result in:\u003cbr\u003e\n- Neighbours learning your opinions through the walls\u003cbr\u003e\n- Increased sarcasm damage\u003cbr\u003e\n- Sudden appreciation for tiara-wearing cats\u003cbr\u003e\n- Escalation from “slightly annoyed” to “full Donut” in under 30 seconds\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDungeon AI Reminder:\u003cbr\u003e\nIf you are holding this mug, you are no longer “having a rough morning.”\u003cbr\u003e\nYou are entering Phase Two.","brand":"Piper Danger","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51648537395256,"sku":"4884836_9323","price":12.5,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1525\/2720\/files\/black-glossy-mug-black-11-oz-handle-on-right-69fc94c777f0a.jpg?v=1778160858","url":"https:\/\/piper-danger.myshopify.com\/products\/all-caps-glossy-mug","provider":"Piper Danger","version":"1.0","type":"link"}