All Caps Glossy Mug

The official mug of people who were calm five minutes ago and have since been betrayed by reality.

At first glance, it’s a coffee mug. A simple vessel for caffeine, emotional support beverages, or whatever suspicious liquid is getting you through this catastrophic excuse for a timeline.

This mug is perfect for mornings when:
- Your alarm goes off, and you take it personally
- Someone asks if you’re “a little stressed.”
- The printer jams for the third time
- Society continues to exist in your general vicinity

Product Features:
- Holds coffee, tea, rage, and consequences
- Comfortable grip for white-knuckled emotional support clutching
- Durable enough to survive most dungeon-level emotional breakdowns

WARNING:
Use of this mug may result in:
- Neighbours learning your opinions through the walls
- Increased sarcasm damage
- Sudden appreciation for tiara-wearing cats
- Escalation from “slightly annoyed” to “full Donut” in under 30 seconds

Dungeon AI Reminder:
If you are holding this mug, you are no longer “having a rough morning.”
You are entering Phase Two.